Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
