OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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