Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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