There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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