she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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