So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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