He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
