He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
