i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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