First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
