I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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