I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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