if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
