Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just cropdusted the office
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
