i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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