I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
