you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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