I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
