No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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