i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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