I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
