Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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