What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize