So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
