giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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