I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
