she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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