guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
