I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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