Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
