Just fell off a train. Bad.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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