She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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