i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
