he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
