Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
