we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
