I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
