They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
