This house was built for laser tag.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize