Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
