my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
