My balls are so social today.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
we're so committed to being not committed
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize