And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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