you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
