If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
