What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
