please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
