Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
