you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
