You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
