so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
