I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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