Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
