Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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