you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
