I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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