There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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