Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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