He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
