just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize