I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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