Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
