Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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