I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it was like his penis was on wheels.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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