Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
