Are we in a gay sports bar?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
