Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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